. . . I feel in my body the need to move the heaviness with paint on canvas . . . I will sit with feelings, the heaviness. Then I will move the paint on canvas as the impulses in my body guide me.
This painting began with the heaviness, the darker colors, mostly dark blue across most of the painting. I laid the phthalo blue paint onto the canvas and worked it back and forth to cover most of the area, thick dark paint. I wanted it to feel heavy in my hands. There is a darker part, near the center. I added black with red mixed in across the middle, the mystery, the part of life that remains unknown to me today. Below the dark mystery is the grounding, the blue, green hues mixed in gives a sense of safety, what I know of life right now.
The white paint with light blue and grey mixed in the upper right hand corner, this for me is the clarity, always visible. The luminescence is high, in the upper half of the painting, as if attainable but distant.
I step back from the painting and take a long look. In the darkest point is where I see the hope. At first a touch of yellow. Then it grows. It shows up in other places, from within the mystery, out in the heaviness, and in the grounding as well. The yellow, as hope, is always brightest next to the dark color, the mystery. But I see small specks or streaks of hope all over, in the painting and in my daily connections with others.
The red in the painting gives it a heartbeat. In all of this darkness, there is life. It only takes a thin line to draw our attention to the fact that we are still alive.
I began this painting with heaviness and sadness. I see in it now life, grounding, hope, and a promise of some clarity.