This week, I followed my own direction through the meditation exercise I posted last week. I sat and grounded myself, scanned my body for awareness and sensation, then waited for any part of my body to draw my attention with its wisdom. The part that drew my attention was my right eye. I placed my right hand over my eye, breathed deeply, and waited for a word or image to come. An image came to me from within my right eye. I draw in color pencil on paper the image I received.
During the meditation, the image wavered in clarity and intensity. The image I drew was soft and hazy, with a few definitive lines. I felt the message that it was conveying was about vision, or insight, coming in and out of focus. Perhaps there is something I need to look at more closely in my life, or maybe something is coming into clearer vision soon.
Eyes can symbolize different things, but I think of them as windows to our interior life, our soul, or spirit. Personally, my right eye holds its own history and meaning for me. The retina in my right eye tore November 26, 2011, and then partially detached. That means it was separated from the interior wall of the eyeball and I could no longer see. I was in Nairobi, Kenya at the time, where I was living and working. I saw an eye doctor on Sunday afternoon, (it was an emergency!) and I was on a plane to New York the next day. Upon arriving at JFK airport, I was taken directly to the doctor’s office, and then to the hospital. The operation took place 12 hours after I had landed in the U.S. I was so lucky that my eye was repaired and my eyesight was restored to near what it had been. I see clearly, but from my right eye, things are a tiny bit skinnier than they are in my left eye.
Sadly, as I was flying from Kenya to New York, I knew my father was near dying in Nebraska and that I most likely would not see him alive again. This played out as he went into hospital the next week, then hospice, and I was grounded in New York with recovery directions. He passed away on December 18. I was released by the doctor to fly in time to attend his funeral services and Christmas with my family.
Recalling these events helps me to further understand the wisdom of my right eye in the meditation. Two weeks ago, I had done some inner reflection on my need to meet other people’s expectations, most prominently, my father’s expectations. I recognized that I had failed at being someone I was never meant to be. And this was quite a liberating feeling. What followed the next week was waves of grief for my father that I hadn’t been able to feel before.
Then came the meditation this week. My right eye is saying, things are coming into clearer vision for me. I live, knowing others may have expectations of me, but who I am comes from within, from the way God speaks to me through my senses, my body, through my spirit and mind.
This drawing is simple, a hazy image. I may work on it to give it more detail or depth, or it may be a design for a larger piece of art. But today, it is a bit of affirmation for me, clarity in my self-understanding.